sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
