Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
