he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
