Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
