I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
