i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
