Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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