if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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