but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
