All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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