he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize