Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
