I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize