his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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