Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
