and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
