it wasn't lemon gatorade
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
