....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
