After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
