Your face is a jimmy john
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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