its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
