Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
