The maid of honor just puked.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I touched a dick in church today
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
