There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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