Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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