I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
