You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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