oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
