I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
