We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
