The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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