just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You made out with two different species that night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
