You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were trust falling into bushes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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