She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
