They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
