porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
