Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
how drunk are you?
Several
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
