doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
