I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
