What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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