Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
