I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
