6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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