ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
