How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
