Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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