i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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