Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
