allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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