hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
