God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
