there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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