I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize