I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Im part way to drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
