HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
