I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just had sex on a roof
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
