There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sext me about skeletons
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
