Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
