Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
