On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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