Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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