She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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