Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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