remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just pee around me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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