a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
