I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
