I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
