so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
