i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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