Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
