I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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