Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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