All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
